Post-Vacation Ramblings

Hi to anyone who might actually be reading this little blog of mine!  A warning in advance, this will be very rambly!

I just back from Florida where I visited the Mouse and hit the beach with my parents, sister, and almost 3 year old niece.  We had a great time.

While I was there, I realized that I am capable of far more physically than I thought.  I walked tons and swam.  I didn't swim as much as I might have in the past just because when you are well over 300 pounds, you don't feel comfortable in a bathing suit.  No...it's more like you don't feel ENTITLED to wear a bathing suit.  So, I was pretty active, but I would also feel that activity in the morning pretty hard.  I was so sore...especially my feet.

Well, I knew it was time to get back ontrack when I got home.  I knew, because all that activity was a great jumping off point to keeping up the activity back home AND because I can literally feel my body disintegrating.  I'm tired of that.

I was going through our photos yesterday and my sister, niece, and I had one taken with Mickey and Minnie.  I'm still picking my jaw up off the floor at how HUGE I am.  I'm seriously just HUGE.  I knew I was really big, but something about seeing it documented in a photograph is quite the wake up call.  My initial instinct was to delete it, but then I started thinking, I need to see that.  Maybe I should make it the wallpaper on my computer screen.  A constant reminder of what I am doing and what needs to be done.

I also had to buy a new scale yesterday, because my old one decided to just completely stop working.  I changed the batteries twice and nothing.  So, I weighed myself on this new scale thinking I'd be back around 340.  No.  350.2. I mean...really??? 

I feel so frustrated, because I know I make these commitments to myself and declare them here and then time and time again, I fail, only to gain back what I've lost and then some.  350.2.  I never thought I would see that number.  That is my highest weight ever.  That's halfway between 300 and 400 pounds.  And it makes me physically ill.  How did this happen?  How did I let this happen?

I went grocery shopping yesterday and did very well.  I had a cart full of produce and chicken and some marinades to keep things changed up.  I have to keep it simple for now.  I was super proud of myself, as I didn't buy anything sugary (other than my all natural peanut butter with honey - there's a confession)...the only snacks I bought were fruit and little Babybel cheeses and the aforementioned peanut butter.  Oh...I did get a bag of those baked Snackum things from Trader Joe's.  They are kind of like Funyons.  I already know that one serving is 4 PP.

I came home and portioned off the chicken and froze it, washed and chopped a GIANT thing of strawberries, and prepared a big bag of salad for lunches.  I had a bunch of errands yesterday, but was still able to make Hawaiian chicken with broccoli.  Of course, I didn't remember to take pictures.  But all I did was marinate a couple of chicken breasts in Lawry's Hawaiian marinade along with a chunkily chopped onion, some garlic, and a can of pineapple in juice.  I cooked it at 375 for about an hour, adding in a bag of prewashed and chopped broccoli at the end.  I served it with some Jasmine rice and it was really very good.  I think the Points Plus value was 12, including a serving of rice.

Right now, I'm trying to create a spreadsheet so I can post my food journals each Friday, so look for that tomorrow.  It will only include W-F of this week.  I'm also giving serious thought to going back to my Weight Watchers meetings.  If I do that, it will happen either tomorrow or Saturday. 

Thanks for reading!