Reflections on This Week's Weight Watcher Topic

So this week's topic was:  Commit to the Countdown to Thanksgiving Challenge.  There are 8 weeks until that glorious event (for those of us in the US). 

Halloween through New Year's is for me, like a lot of people, a really difficult time as far as staying on the health train is concerned.  There is SO much temptation.  It's also the cooler weather, so something in me says "store up for the winter" like I need to add any more insulation. 

I think a lot of that comes from the feeling of nostalgia from my childhood relating to this time of year.  Halloween candy while watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"; Thanksgiving Day leftovers while watching the first televised Christmas movie of the season; hot chocolate while driving around looking at Christmas lights; rich, calorie ladden restaurant meals while out on a gift shopping excursion...and so the list goes on.  Something inside of me says:  Holiday Time = Celebrate by Gorging Time.  I'm sure many people out there can relate.

Everything, everything, everything in my life I can tie back to food.  Food is such a simple thing, really, when you think about it.  It's fuel for our bodies.  I suppose from an evolutionary stand point, we have tastebuds so that we can tell whether or not a food is "good", as in "not rotten", and to spur us to eat so we don't starve to death.  Kind of like why sex is enjoyable: to get species to procreate so they don't die out.  But there are consequences for indulging indiscriminately in either realm.

In any event, there are only 8 short weeks until the holiday season is fully underway here in the States.  I need a plan.

Over the next 8 weeks, I plan to:

*Workout at least 3 to 5 days a week for 30 minutes or more each time.
*Drink my 6-8 glasses of water daily.
*Track every little morsel I consume (except for two days....coming up)
*Include a weekly holiday-related treat in my plans.  But the key word here is PLAN.
*I will not track on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day.  I will enjoy myself and eat what I like, but I will not eat to misery and I will use sound judgement about what I consume.  I will still drink my 6-8 glasses of water on these days and will get up early to get some exercise into my day beforehand.

I feel like this is a sound, reasonable, and healthy plan that will work for me and not cause me to go beserk because I am depriving myself.

One thing that stuck with me from the meeting was...if you lose 1/2 a pound every week for the next 8 weeks, that's 4 pounds.  If you lose 1 pound every week for the next 8 weeks, that's 8 pounds.  And if you lose 2 pounds every week for the next 8 weeks, that's 16 pounds.

Considering the amount of weight I have to lose, I think 16 pounds is pretty darn reasonable over the next 8 weeks.  It won't be easy and I'm sure there are times that I will want to slowly gnaw off my left arm, but I want to see this through and stay on plan and see what happens.  My goal is 10 pounds down by Thanksgiving, just so I don't set myself up for failure.  Anything more than that is a bonus.  I can totally do this.

What I'm Doing Right...

There have to be somethings I've been doing right and well over the past two weeks of doing not great.  So here they are:

1.  Attending my weekly Weight Watchers meeting.  It gives me something to look forward to.  A co-worker just started going with me this week, so I think that's going to be a real help for me. 

2.  Not slipping back into my regular soda habit.  I know diet soda is TERRIBLE for me too and loaded with chemicals of death.  I do realize this.  However, it's free of calories and for now I will continue to drink it and hope that I can gradually ween myself off of it.  Baby steps, people.  Baby steps.

3.  Last weekend, I started planning dinners for the week.  This was a super idea and really helped me (and the whole family) have something healthy and tasty to eat for dinner every night.  I planned them again for this week and so far, so good.

4.  Staying the Course.  Every morning, I wake up and declare a fresh start.*  If I screw this day up, then tomorrow is a fresh, clean one with no mistakes in it yet.  Thank you, Anne Shirley.

*I'm working on getting to the point where I screw up and immediately tell myself, I'm back ontrack right this second!  This does not work very well for me yet.

5.  Holding onto hope and the belief that while it may take me the rest of my life, I will lose this weight, get to my goal, and not put weight back on. 


My goals for the remainder of this week:
*Drink 6-8 glasses of water everyday.
*Get at least 3 30 minute (or more) workouts in before next Tuesday.
*Track, track, track, track, track.  Every single little morsel that I consume.
*Plan ahead.  I know I'm going out Friday night, so I will work anything I eat or drink into my weekly points.

A Gym-Related Observation

A couple of weeks ago, I was on the treadmill at the gym and after I got off, I went and got the little spray bottle and rag to wipe it down.  Mind you I'd barely touched it and I certainly wasn't showering sweat everywhere. 

An older man was on a bike a couple of machines down from me, saw me get said wipe down supplies, saw me wipe the machine down, and got off his own machine, left it and got on another one, leaving his nasty, grungy, putrid stenchy sweat streaks all over the seat. 

WTF?

Gross.

Note to Self:  ALWAYS wipe down the machines BEFORE use. 

I Have Not Forgotten You...

I'm still here....

Floating around inside my head somewhere....

You see, the past few weeks have been incredibly unsuccessful.  But I refuse to quit.  Quitting to me would mean:  giving up hope.  So, while I have been eating pretty much anything I see and I haven't worked out in a week, I still have not given up hope.

I'm still going to my Weight Watchers meetings.  Last week I had a gain.  I fully expect to see a gain this week too, but I'm still going. 

I wish I could just throw away all the things holding me back...this fear of failure (or success?)  Whenever I think about going to the gym, I get the worst anxiety.  I need to be there.  Anyone who looks at me can see that. 

But...

I'm terrified of people looking at me, terrified of the thoughts going on inside their head to see this 330 lb woman on the treadmill doing her 30 minutes, getting off and going home.  I'm terrified of people's laughter or comments.  I feel like I'm in a constant cringe state.

Someday I'll be brave enough to show my face on here.  Someday I'll post a full body shot.  But right now, I'm too scared.  Too scared of the comments.  Too scared of someone recognizing me and realizing the number that goes with the person. 

I think I am going to start taking a weekly photograph.  Every Tuesday, a photograph of my progress (or lack thereof).  Tuesdays since that's my WW weigh in day. 

For now, dear readers, if you are still out there, that is all.