Back on Track

So after my disasterous week last week, I knew I had no choice but to get refocused and back on the wagon today.

I preplanned all my food today and stuck to it.  I also darkened the door of my gym tonight for the first time in months and had a quick walk on the treadmill.  There was a guy a couple of treadmills down that was dressed head to toe in black sweats with his hood on.  He looked kind of like the unabomber, which freaked me out a bit.  But I made it outta there unscathed.

Weigh In

In a word, this week was...a disaster.  Fortunately, I ONLY gained a pound.

But rather than dwell on that, I'm tracking and moving on right this second. 

I was very active this weekend, so I feel good about that.

I really don't have anything else to say at the moment, for fear I'll just beat myself up and make things worse.

Weigh In

Hi everyone!  While I wasn't super successful stuffing my face with veggies and making sure that I didn't weigh myself 10,000 times a day, I did get my water in everyday since I set that goal.

And I'm down exactly 1 pound this week!  Last week I was 334.8, yesterday I was at 333.8.  I'm thrilled.  My goal is to lose 1 pound a week and I accomplished that.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I downloaded a free weight tracker from Half-Size Me a few weeks ago and having that visual reminder has been very helpful.  If you go to the website and sign up for her email updates, she sends you the tracker for free, so something to keep in mind.

Today, I've been busy meal planning for the upcoming week.  Payday is monthly for me and it is this upcoming Friday, so I'm going to have to make due with pretty much whatever is in the pantry for the time being.

Tonight, I'm making veggie pizza and cauliflower poppers.  I found the cauliflower popper recipe here:  Baked Cauliflower Poppers.  She claims they taste like french fries, so I'm going to give them a whirl.  We'll also have a green salad to round things out.

Pinterest has revolutionized the way I plan meals.  I have things categorized by cuisine and decided today to assign a meal-type to every day of the week.  This is what I'm trying:

Monday - Veggie Night
Tuesday - Crockpot Night
Wednesday - Chicken Night
Thursday - Salad Night
Friday - Sandwich Night
Saturday - Pasta Night
Sunday - Sunday Dinner with dessert.  Ooooooo!

I get very overwhelmed with all the amazing dessert choices out there, so I figure this will be a great way to have my cake and eat it too.  I have a month's worth of menus planned out, so on Sundays, I'll go through and put any recipes into my Weight Watchers tracker so I can plan out my lunches, breakfasts, and snacks accordingly for the upcoming week. 

Additionally, I plan out my grocery lists this way:

1 big master list for all non-perishables and freezer items for the month.
Weekly lists for produce and any other perishables pertaining to that week's menu.

Here's a peek at this week (and links to any recipes I'll be using).  Keep in mind, that I have a total of 51 daily points, so a lot of these recipes aren't particularly "Weight Watchers-minded".  Also, since I'm using up what we have on hand through Friday, I'm not sticking exactly to the afore-mentioned schedule. 

Monday - Trader Joe's Mandarin Orange Chicken with brown rice; asparagus
Tuesday - Crockpot Chicken Ranch Tacos (see recipe below) with all the fixin's; carrots
Wednesday - Hot dogs; green beans; garlic oven fries
Thursday - turkey sausage; mashed potatoes; salad
Friday - turkey burgers; roasted zucchini sticks
Saturday - meatloaf; Garlic Grilled Tomatoes; Fresno Potatoes
Sunday - Beef Stroganoff; salad; Incredible Triple Chocolate Cheesecake

SUPER EASY Crockpot Chicken Ranch Tacos
Serves 4
4 Points Plus per serving - chicken only

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 15-oz can diced tomatoes (or you can use fresh if you are feeling really productive)
1 packet dry ranch dressing mix
1 packet reduced sodium taco mix

Mix all ingredients in crockpot.  Cook on low for 4-6 hours.  Shred chicken using a fork.  Fill up taco shells and top with whatever you like.  We used shredded iceberg lettuce, shredded cheese, guacamole, sour cream, tomatoes, and olives.  If you have leftovers, they make a great salad topping for lunch the next day!

Thanks for stopping by!

More Frustration...and Some Confessions.

Something snapped last night when I got home and the snacking bug hit me.  I finished off some peanut butter cups from Trader Joe's and a bag of those tasty oniony baked Snack-O's they sell (my niece helped me with those, however).  And so I immediately started thinking about skipping dinner, because I'd already eaten my points (and then some) for the day.  I ended up eating a couple of eggrolls later on, but didn't include the promised veg.  My peanut butter and onion blow out didn't technically include anything plant-like either, because despite being "oniony", I'm pretty sure there's not even a lick of real onion in those suckers anyway.

BUT...I tracked it all anyway.  And yes, I was over.

AND...I didn't weigh myself last night.

BUT...I weighed myself this morning.

HOWEVER...I have met my water quota for the past two days, so that goal I am meeting.  Just not the other two.

So, I was feeling pretty down in the dumps today because of all of that, but also because of the week the States have been going through this week.  First, the Boston Marathon bombings...then the poison envelopes being sent to government officials...and finally, the fertilizer plant explosion in West, Texas, which is just 10 or 15 miles south of my home.  And yes, we felt the explosion here.

So all those things are making me sad.  And the feeling of abject terror at once again failing at weight loss has made it all the sadder. 

My sister asked me to dine at IHOP with her and my niece this evening, so I went...armed with my 31 remaining daily points...and ordered an omelette and pancakes.  Definitely not the best choice.  But I noticed that I did not eat until I was stuffed past the point of oblivion.  I stopped.  And then I came home and looked up the points for those suckers and tracked them.  I was over my points again. 

Now what?

Well, I pick myself up, shake the dirt off my ass, and keep going.  This is how I have to live.  This is not just now.  It's forever.  Whether I stay at 334 pounds for the rest of my life or the weight comes off, this is how I have to live.  I cannot eat myself to death any longer.  Yes, there are going to be shitty days when I overeat.  And yes, there are going to be shitty days when I want to eat an entire cake (today, btw, was one of those days - but I didn't eat the cake).  But guess what?  There will be MORE days when I make the best choices I can.  There will be days I drink all my water and eat plenty of foods that grow out of the ground and don't obsess over my weight (that last one might be a lie...time will tell).  The key is not letting small set backs become huge set backs.  And I feel like for the first time in a very long time, I'm able to prevent just that from happening. 

Thinking Through a Standstill (of sorts)

I'm feeling a stellar amount of frustration and depression over my weight loss efforts today.

The efforts are there. I have tracked, exercised, and stayed within my Points Plus range more than 90% of the time. I am not perfect, haven't been perfect, never will be perfect. Perfect doesn't exist. I refuse to beat myself up for my stumbles because they are each a learning experience and regardless of anything else, I am doing a million times better than I was just over 2 weeks ago.

What is not happening is that the scale is not moving fast enough for me! I told myself a couple of weeks ago that my goal was one pound a week. Very attainable. My first week I lost 7.something. The second only .6. So overall, yes, I am losing.

But...I'm an obsessive weigher.

I weigh every morning,
I weigh every afternoon after work.
I weigh at night before I go to bed.
I weigh at 2 AM when I'm up for a potty break.

And naturally, one's weight fluctuates.

In the past, daily weighing kept me accountable. Now I'm finding it just depresses me because the scale just goes up and back down a bit, back up more, down a tiny bit...and what this results in is a mentality that with every step I take forward, I'm taking 2 steps back.

So...for the remainder of the week, I shall not weigh. *GASP*! I hope that I'm not lying to you all by declaring this intention....but I will not weigh again until Saturday which is my official weigh in day.

Okay. I say all that to say this: the effort IS there. BUT are there things I need to tweak? Hell yes.

So what am I not doing that I should be? Two things immediately come to mind:
1. Too much processed food, not enough plants.
2. Too much diet soda, not enough water.

While I am staying in my PP range (except for the crazy that was Sunday, but we shan't dwell...), almost everything I've been eating comes in a package. Freezer meals for lunch, "baked" chips and snacks, etc. And I'll be honest, almost no fresh produce.

Yesterday, I made the decision that I need to start incorporating those things back into my diet. So after work, I hit the grocery store and bought $40 in fresh veggies and fruit. For the remainder of the week I plan to have fruit or veg with every meal or snack.

This is what it's looked like so far today:

Breakfast: cereal with a banana, milk and coffee

Snack: peanut butter-filled pretzels with a heaping side of grapes

Lunch: chicken tikka masala with a huge side salad

Dinner plans are still in the works, but I'll wager they will include some roasted Brussels sprouts and broccoli. Maybe even some carrots. And later, a fuji apple which I've recently discovered I enjoy tremendously, despite my overall aversion to fruit.

Secondly, I drink a lot of Coke Zero. If I had a true love, Coke Zero would be it. I've noticed I have been having my daily CZ and almost no water, so I'm upping the intake of that clear, crisp, unadulterated beverage. I had 20 oz on my hour long commute to work (I've run to the restroom 3 times already today - TMI?) and have another 20 oz set aside for lunch. In addition to the bottle sitting on my desk now. Can you guess what I'm going to say next? 48-64 oz of water for the remainder of the week.

So...let me reiterate: 3 pretty small, simple changes that I will follow through with for the remainder of the week! Plants with every meal or snack, 48-64 oz of water a day, and no more weighing til Saturday! Wish me luck!

I concluded my day of free-for-alling and feel back on track today. I'm planning on going to Zumba tonight with my sister.

Saturday night I made some amazingly yummy chicken ranch tacos, the recipe to which I hope to share later this evening. There are leftovers, so that's probably what I'll have tonight too.

Just wanted to check in!

If It's Not Nailed Down...

...then today I've eaten it. 

I was supposed to go to a family birthday party, but a headache kept me at home.  I've also decided to be all down in the dumps over my ex and have been bored out of my skull to boot, so my mood is at a low point.  I am NOT in a happy place!

This morning, I did my usual cereal and coffee breakfast as I took in some Nerdist and Orphan Black that I had DVRed last night.  No problem.  Then somehow, I slipped some peanut butter pretzels WITH cookie butter in for  "snack".  Okay, I counted them out, I can track it...still not a huge deal.

Then I walked by the pb pretzels and cookie butter a bit later.  Now we are at a standing-in-the- kitchen-and-dipping-said-pretzels-into-the-cookie-butter-and-eating-them-right-there place. 

Me:  Oh, is this really happening? 
My Inner Food Demon:  Hell, yeah, it is.
Me:  Oh, okay.  But now it's time to knock it off.
Food Demon:  Shucks.

That was followed up at some point by 6 (2 servings) of the Trader Joe's milk chocolate peanut butter cups that should never have found their way into my cart on Friday night.

Lunch - hell, some frozen pastry bites sound like a good idea.  And they were DELICIOUS.  Until just a short while ago when I found out I consumed 19 points eating those little puppies.

My sister made a Braum's run for her lunch.  For those of you are not Texans (I think Braum's only exists in Texas) and unfamiliar with the atrocity of delicious sin that is Braum's, it's like a Dairy Queen, but loftier.  Slightly. 

Food Demon:  Fro yo?
Me:  Don't mind if I do!
Weight Watchers Tracker:  That will be 12 Points Plus.  Please and thank you.

So it's now 4:50 PM.  I have consumed every last one of my daily PP and have only 10 weekly PP remaining.  I have tracked everything I've eaten.  And that is all.  Binge over.  Back on the wagon. 

Today's Weigh In

So, I can't remember if I mentioned it or not, but I'd been feeling very discouraged this past week because my weight was up over my first week weight loss and I just didn't feel like anything was ever going to come off.

But I actually lost .6 and am down to 334.8.  I'm very happy with that considering I didn't think I was going to lose anything!  It's not quite the 1 lb I was hoping for, but that happens.

I did exceptionally well all week, staying in my points and exercising for at least 11 minutes a day...

Yes, 11 minutes. 

The first week, I promised myself I would do 10 minutes a day and this past week, I added a minute.  Guess what?  This week, I'm adding another minute, bringing it to a total of 12 minutes a day.  And I'll keep doing that everyday until I'm up to 30 minutes.  That's my goal for now (and I should reach that sometime this fall, I do believe).  After I hit 30, I'll adjust my goal accordingly.  I think my aim will be anywhere from 30-45 minutes daily.

Lastly, I have a quick and easy salad recipe to share.

I've been doing a lot of indoor grilling lately and marinating boneless, skinless chicken breasts in a homemade southwest marinade.  After marinating for a few hours (or overnight), I throw those puppies on the stove top grill.

Chop the chicken up, throw it on a bed of lettuce with some tomatoes, salsa, guacamole, and a little light sour cream and you've got dinner.  You could also add some cheese in there too, but I chose to forego it.

 

Southwest Marinated Chicken

2-3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
3 cloves crushed garlic
2 tbsp lime juice (lemon would work as well)
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp dried minced onion
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp corriander
salt & pepper to taste

I throw this marinade together with the chicken in a big zip lock bag.  The last time I made it, in fact, I used frozen chicken and just allowed it to thaw in the marinade on the counter during the day and it was perfect.

Thanks for stopping by!

Thoughts on Breaking Up

I'm feeling pretty blue tonight.  I'm feeling pretty lost.

That's one of the scarier sides of weight loss for me.  I'm not using food as a buffer, so there's not that big block between me and my emotions.

As I mentioned a few posts back, I've just gone through a break up.  I think in the beginning, I was very much in denial and told myself this was temporary.  But as time passes, I'm realizing it's not.  This was the person I really thought I was going to share my life and my home and build a family with.  This was supposed to be "the one".  But it just wasn't working.  For many reasons. 

So now, for the first time in my life, I'm truly embarking upon a life as a single woman.  Prior to this, I was single for maybe a total of four months in my adult life.   I've been something of a serial monogamist.  I just can't see myself moving on to another relationship anytime in the near future, if ever.  And that makes me sad.  And it makes me scared.  It's time to lean on me and that's probably the scariest piece of all.  What if I am alone for the rest of my life?  What if I am completely unloveable?  What if I am completely incapable of truly loving another person? 

I think it would be different if I was younger, but then, maybe not.  I'm rapidly approaching 40 and about to hit the end of my viable child bearing years.  I've thought a lot the past week or so about making a conscious choice to become a single mother.  It's not something that's in the cards for at least a year or two (I'm currently 37), just because finances and my living situation need to be put in order.  I'll make up my mind that this is what I'm going to do, then I mourn the loss of the life I thought I was going to live.  Creating a home and a life and a family with a partner.  And of course, I am still grieving for the loss of my relationship, even if it was my choice to leave. 

It's hitting me harder the past few days.  Just little, little things that I miss about her and about us.  And honestly, I question whether I have made a horrible mistake.  But the worst thing I think I could do right now is try to make amends, because I have no doubt I would only face rejection and that would make it all so much more painful and difficult.  And I can't go through that again.  I haven't really allowed myself to think too much or to grieve too hard.  I've pushed it all down and tried to ignore it, knowing it would eventually catch up with me.  And I think it's beginning to now.

Still Going

Hey all...just a quick post to say I'm still here and I'm still with it. Yesterday was my 14th consecutive day working out and my 13th day staying on program.

I'm a bit of a scale addict, so I weigh myself everyday. I was feeling a but discouraged because despite all my best efforts my number was going up this week. I mean, c'mon!!! I'm exercising everyday, staying in my Points Plus range, ya know?

Thankfully, the scale was back down today. I was very pleased and feeling that all my hard work is paying off. I'll post my official weigh in results Saturday.

I also have a recipe to share this weekend!

My thought for the day comes from something I saw on Pinterest. I can't remember the exact wording but it was something to the effect of: it takes 4 weeks to make changes, 8 weeks to see the changes in yourself, and 12 weeks for other people to notice the changes. Give it 12 weeks.

The "other people" portion does not pertain to my mom who just told me yesterday my face looks thinner. But I think that's just because she smokes crack.*. ;)



*my mom does not really, nor has she ever, smoked crack.

This Week

So things are still going along swimmingly.  The past two days haven't been perfect, but they've been much improved.

Last Sunday, I was back up to 343.  Today (my official weigh-in day), I'm down almost 8 lbs at 335.4.  I've been listening to a new podcast called Half-Size Me, which has really given me some food for thought.  The woman who does the Podcast lost 170 lbs, most of it on Weight Watchers.  She said she created benchmarks for herself and what I took from this was a goal of losing 6 lbs every 6 weeks, which, of course, works out to 1 lb a week.  OMG.  Light bulb moment.  How doable is that?  Ummm...very.

It's funny, because it's not like this is a suddenly new concept to me or anything, but somehow it just really clicked.  I went through the calendar on my phone and set my 6 lbs/6 week goals and if I truly only do lose a pound a week, it will take me til my 41st birthday in August of 2016 to get there.  And somehow, I'm okay with that.

A friend of mine reminded me that the time will still pass anyway.  Might as well pass it getting healthier.

In other news, I'm planning on doing massive quantities of alcohol drinking tonight, so I've planned my food accordingly. 

And that is all for now.

What to Listen to While Walking

Yesterday was my third day in a row of getting back to walking. Oftentimes, I listen to a podcast on my walks. Always, I listen to something. Podcasts keep my brain busy which I appreciate. Especially right now as I have more than one health issue causing me some pain and discomfort during my excursions.

If I'm not listening to a podcast, I'm listening to music. I thought I would share my current playlist as it gave me quite the boost the past couple of days.

The Strokes - 12:51
Kate Miller Heidke - Can't Shake It
Ben Folds - The Frown Song
Caribou - Odessa
Broken Bells - The Ghost Inside
The Kills - Getting Down
The Organ - Let the Bells Ring
MGMT - Electric Feel
Of Montreal - Voltaic Crusher/Undrum to Muted Da

I have a gazillion other songs I could add. These are all fairly fast tempo/upbeat tunes which really helps.

In other news, I'm down almost 8 pounds since Sunday by counting Points+ and getting some walking time in.

On Mindless Eating

Hi anyone who might be reading...

It's been awhile. I've had some mighty stumbles a long my way. Some big things in my life have changed in the past few weeks.

But April is my month.

I don't want to delve too deeply, because that's where I get into trouble. I overthink things.

Anyway, I'm counting Points+ again and succumbed to temptation today...

A co-worker got a complimentary pastry with her lunch which I initially turned down. A second co-worker suggested we share it. Share we did, but we both just took a small portion. I'd say I had a sixth of it. I later looked up the Points+ value to see that the whole thing has 20.5 PP! Omg! So I rounded my sixth up to 4 PP for good measure, but my word, that's a hefty sum.

And I really didn't even enjoy it. It was dry and too cinnamony. But I ate it anyway, mostly without thinking about it, but partly too because I didn't want to seem "rude". How silly.

I've been walking again so I'll be walking again this evening.

Til next time....