Monday, July 8, 2013

Day 6

So I had my first really big cravings today.  Pretty early on, in fact.  Taco Bell.  Ugh.  I hate and love that crap place so damn much. 

I had cereal with a banana for breakfast and did a bunch of reading.  In fact, I finished Designated Fat Girl by Jennifer Joyner this morning.  I just started it yesterday.  Yeah, that's how hard I couldn't put it down.  I could have written that book.  Especially the beginning where she describes the food addiction attack she had where she lies to her husband to leave the house so she can go eat.  I highly recommend it.  I could relate to so much of her struggle.

So, after my reading jag, I came in and it was around noon.  I pushed thoughts of Taco Bell from my mind and made my salad and a tuna fish sandwich.  My salad was exactly the same as yesterday: a mess of romaine, shredded carrots, tomatoes, olives, vinagrette, and chow mein noodles for fun. 

Blogger still hates me and thus, will not allow me to upload photos today.  I've taken so many food pictures too!

I also went on a 36 minute walk today.  My left foot feels weird when I start walking for any length of time.  I don't know if it's my Nikes or what, but it feels tight. 

Saturday, my sister and I are having a joint birthday party.  A few weeks late for her, a few weeks early for me.  Additionally, my niece's 3rd birthday is Sunday and we're having her birthday party that morning.  So, it is a busy birthday filled weekend.  I will be having cake at her party for sure.  I'm planning for it and not even slightly worried about it.  The problem will be if there is any cake leftover that comes back to the house.  I plan to laugh in its face. 

I've noticed I'm very cranky and impatient lately. Okay, who am I fooling?  I'm always cranky and impatient, but it's at an all time high the past few days.  My living situation is complicated as I live with not only my sister and my niece, but also my parents.  Definitely not ideal at almost 38, but it's temporary.  However, everything everyone does is getting on my ever-loving nerves!  Perhaps it stems from not constantly drugging myself with sugar and fat? 

I really haven't had any sweet treats.  The cereal I eat certainly has sugar in it, as does the peanut butter I have for a snack with my apple..but candy bars, cakes, cookies, pastries, etc...I haven't touched any of those since the cookout on Thursday.  And that's highly unusual.  I haven't really missed it!

I know I'm doing so well and I'm so proud of myself, but I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a precipice and will fall over it at any given moment.  Having a binge episode and throwing in the towel all over again scares me to death.  I'm hanging on for dear life.  One little misstep is all takes to send me into chaos.  I'm dealing with so much doubt today.

I find reading blogs (I finished 111 Pounds yesterday) and weight loss related books really is helping keep my motivated.  I also listened to part of an episode of the Half Size Me podcast on my walk today.  I'm going to launch into this blog: Runs For Cookies and this book: Weight Loss Boss now. 

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