Day 8

It's Day 8 already???  Wow...I'm kinda impressed with myself.

So, yesterday was pretty good!  I didn't workout, but I'm not stressed over that at all.  I had to go to the grocery store and on my way there I started feeling kind of anxious like "can I do this without doing something stupid?"  Because old me would have thought I "deserved" a treat of some sort.  You know...just a little something for the car ride home....but once I got there, I honestly didn't even give it much thought.  It flashed through my mind quickly a couple of times, but I didn't even care to dwell on it.  So, I got what I went for, left and came home.

I rented some movies last night and started watching one of them:  Mama.  Ugh.  I cannot.  I repeat, CANNOT...watch scary movies by myself late at night.  I enjoyed some popcorn while I watched it and my niece kept coming in the room, so luckily, I was forced to give the movie up for the evening.  I'll finish it later today...during daylight hours!  I had intended to start it earlier, but my sister invited me to go hang out with some friends poolside, so I did that for a bit first.

This was dinner:

AMAZING green beans, mashed potatoes, and...sausage.

The sausage was what we had in the fridge...the mashed potatoes I mashed with a tbsp of Brummel & Brown (1 PP), and 1/4 cup of light sour cream.  I've found I really enjoy using yellow potatoes lately.  They taste much better than russets and these made awesome mash.  The green beans, though...they were the piece de resistance (I have no idea if I spelled any of that correclty...it's been almost 20 years since my French-taking days).

I steamed the beans, then sauteed them with some onions and garlic and topped that off with a drizzle of lemon juice.  Lots of love from the fam on these.

I made these muffins last night:  Healthy Banana Nut Muffins  Someday, I'll learn to read a recipe fully before committing to it.  It says to soak the yogurt (or water/vinegar) and the whole wheat flour for 12-24 hours first...to aid with digestion, I think.  I was all...screw that!  And let it sit there for about 1 1/2 hours.  Also, I didn't buy enough yogurt.  I only ended up having a cup, so I added 1/3 cup of water for moisture.  Well...when all was said and done, I had playdough sitting there in that bowl.  A wiser me would have said, "I'm going to scrap this recipe and find another" since I hadn't actually put anything else in there yet.  But...oh, no...that thought didn't occur to me until much later. 

So once I added the other ingredients, I had big balls of flour chunkage in the batter.  What's a girl to do?  Oh, I know...let's gift a sifter and a ladle and try and sift it through but using the ladle to push the batter through the sifter holes so that maybe the flour chunks will break up and actually incorporate into the mix...for the next hour or two.  I strained that stuff for that long.  I refused to give in!  Well, it worked, but my legs, arms, neck and shoulders were killing from standing there over the bowl for so long. 

I fully expected these to taste like crap, but they were okay.  Not sweet at all.  I don't think I'll make them again.....or if I do, maybe I'll actually follow the recipe next time.  The muffins should have been 4 Points Plus, but I ended up adding in 1/2 cup of pecans instead of 1/3 cup, so these came in at 5 Points Plus.    I had one last night.  And one this morning.  I'm so disciplined!  Of course, I also stopped by McDonald's for a Diet Coke after dropping my niece off at the babysitter's and had a Sausage McGriddle.  11 Points Plus.  I still have over 30 PP left for the day and over 30 PP left in my weekly points.  I've been under or at my points everyday since Sunday, so if I end up having to dip into my weekly points, I'm totally okay with that.

Have a great day!

Day 7

At the end of the day today, I've been eating well for a full week!

Last night, I ended up having Wendy's for dinner.  I looked up the points first at had a Single w/cheese for 13 points, a small fry for 9 points, and a small frosty for 9 points.  Plus an unsweet iced tea.  That's a 31 point meal.  However, I still had 34 points left for the day.  At the end of the day, I still had 3 points left. 

BUT...

I still felt like such a failure for eating that meal.  I beat myself to and fro all night long and that little voice in my head crept back up and started telling me it was the beginning of the end and that there was no way I could do this, that I am going to fail yet again.

I somehow managed to not let it get to me.  I went to bed and woke up this morning with renewed dedication.  I haven't had any crazy cravings today like I did yesterday.  I ate my breakfast and started getting the kitchen cleaned up so I can marinate some vegetables with my chicken for dinner.  I have salad greens ready and waiting in the fridge for lunch that I may pair with more veggie samosas or something equally fun. 

My workout clothes are currently in the washer, but I feel confident I'm still going to get some movement in even though I've already met my 3 days of exercise goal for the week. 

We have some overripe bananas in the fridge, so I'm off to look up some healthy muffin recipes.  The plan is to freeze them and have one or less a day.  I'm really bad with baked goods, so this will be a test.  If I can handle it, great.  Maybe I'll try again sometime.  If I can't...well, lesson (re)learned.

Have a great day!

Day 6

So I had my first really big cravings today.  Pretty early on, in fact.  Taco Bell.  Ugh.  I hate and love that crap place so damn much. 

I had cereal with a banana for breakfast and did a bunch of reading.  In fact, I finished Designated Fat Girl by Jennifer Joyner this morning.  I just started it yesterday.  Yeah, that's how hard I couldn't put it down.  I could have written that book.  Especially the beginning where she describes the food addiction attack she had where she lies to her husband to leave the house so she can go eat.  I highly recommend it.  I could relate to so much of her struggle.

So, after my reading jag, I came in and it was around noon.  I pushed thoughts of Taco Bell from my mind and made my salad and a tuna fish sandwich.  My salad was exactly the same as yesterday: a mess of romaine, shredded carrots, tomatoes, olives, vinagrette, and chow mein noodles for fun. 

Blogger still hates me and thus, will not allow me to upload photos today.  I've taken so many food pictures too!

I also went on a 36 minute walk today.  My left foot feels weird when I start walking for any length of time.  I don't know if it's my Nikes or what, but it feels tight. 

Saturday, my sister and I are having a joint birthday party.  A few weeks late for her, a few weeks early for me.  Additionally, my niece's 3rd birthday is Sunday and we're having her birthday party that morning.  So, it is a busy birthday filled weekend.  I will be having cake at her party for sure.  I'm planning for it and not even slightly worried about it.  The problem will be if there is any cake leftover that comes back to the house.  I plan to laugh in its face. 

I've noticed I'm very cranky and impatient lately. Okay, who am I fooling?  I'm always cranky and impatient, but it's at an all time high the past few days.  My living situation is complicated as I live with not only my sister and my niece, but also my parents.  Definitely not ideal at almost 38, but it's temporary.  However, everything everyone does is getting on my ever-loving nerves!  Perhaps it stems from not constantly drugging myself with sugar and fat? 

I really haven't had any sweet treats.  The cereal I eat certainly has sugar in it, as does the peanut butter I have for a snack with my apple..but candy bars, cakes, cookies, pastries, etc...I haven't touched any of those since the cookout on Thursday.  And that's highly unusual.  I haven't really missed it!

I know I'm doing so well and I'm so proud of myself, but I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a precipice and will fall over it at any given moment.  Having a binge episode and throwing in the towel all over again scares me to death.  I'm hanging on for dear life.  One little misstep is all takes to send me into chaos.  I'm dealing with so much doubt today.

I find reading blogs (I finished 111 Pounds yesterday) and weight loss related books really is helping keep my motivated.  I also listened to part of an episode of the Half Size Me podcast on my walk today.  I'm going to launch into this blog: Runs For Cookies and this book: Weight Loss Boss now. 

On Exercise

I don't know how many more days I'm going to be doing these multiple posts, but I'm a teacher and have another 5 weeks (I think) off, so....but I will say, it's definitely helping to keep my motivated, even if there is no one out there actually reading other than the spam companies that keep flooding to my blog and driving my stats up!

Okay...so exercise....I completed my second day just now and noticed a few things. 

1.  I'm so super out of shape that the first 10-15 minutes hurts like a mother.  My legs start aching and screaming at me.  And dude, it's not like I'm doing 30 Day Shred.  I'm just doing a little Leslie Sansonne Walk At Home DVD. 

2.  After the first 10-15 minutes (and I mentioned this earlier), my legs hurt less and I start to feel super empowered!

3.  I own a whole library of Leslie Sansonne videos, but I chose this one that I lost a ton of weight with before (also falling a healthy diet, of course), because it reminds me of a time I succeeded.  I have some newer videos, but I smell failure everytime I even glance in their direction, so it will be awhile before I want to pull those puppies out.

Now...onto another topic on my mind called....Running.

I desperately want to be one of those 5K every weekend kind of girls!  I actually did the first run from Couch to 5K three separate times last year, but could never get the courage up to continue.  Of course, I weighed well over 300 pounds then too.  My knees are so incredibly fucked up right now, that I can't even begin to imagine trying to start running again right now.

BUT...it is definitely something I'll be looking forward to once I start shedding these pounds and getting my body back into fighting shape! 

Meanwhile, completed un-weight related (gasp!), I saw World War Z yesterday, which was okay.  It was nothing like the book.  I'm a bit of a zombie freak.  I also love anything post-apocalyptic/dystopia related, so I'm reading a bunch of different young adult series that fall into that category right now.  Currently, I'm reading Matched (I can't remember the author's name) and it's terribly enjoyable.  Very Hunger Games-esque. 

So, if you are out there, please leave me a comment and tell me two things:  1.  What kind of exercise do you like to do and 2.  What kind of books do you enjoy?

Day 5

I have so much I want to say!  I need to keep a notepad next to me at all times to make notes.  Almost everytime I write a post, 30 minutes later I remember something else I wanted to mention.

Firstly, I was just talking to my mom and saying how I was proud of myself that I was on Day 5 and she gave me a hug and told me she was proud of me too.  I also am noticing I'm eating a lot more "real" food as opposed to processed crap.  Just eating all those fresh fruits and vegetables has made me feel more energetic today.

Secondly, I did my first of the three workouts last night.  I invited my little niece along to workout to Leslie Sansonne and she was so cute!  She totally got those sidesteps and kicks down in a hurry.  I told myself I was going to do as much as I could and guess what?  I made it through the whole 30 minutes of the video.  After about the first 10 minutes, I seemed to really get energized and just kept going.  And I've already thrown the workout clothes on for today too, so will be doing another workout today.  Then just one more to go to meet my goal (but I have a sneaking suspicion I'll do more than that. 

I'm feeling so motivated and positive right now.  I know I can do this!  I have almost zero cravings for junk food lately, I keep thinking about how every movement I make is going to add up to feeling fitter and healthier.  I'm thinking ahead to my goals, while really enjoying this journey so far. 

I've been reading a blog from start to finish the past few days...not finished yet, but this girl is amazing and a huge motivation!  111 Pounds  She's lost around 100 pounds and runs all the time and eats healthy vegetarian (mostly from what I've read so far)  food.  She's my inspiration.

Reading blogs of other people who've been through this and succeeded is so helpful!  I am going to catch up with hers, then find another one to read from start to finish, then another...and meanwhile, keep up with the current posts.  There's so much information out there and so many amazing blogs that I get overwhelmed sometimes, so I decided this will be my method.

This morning I made REAL oatmeal on the stovetop, threw in 1/2 tbsp of honey, mashed up a banana in there and threw some strawberries on top.  It was beautiful!  I wish I'd taken a picture!

This afternoon, I'm currently enjoying a salad and  vegetable samosas from Trader Joe's.

My salad:  romaine lettuce, black olives, cherry tomatoes, chow mein noodles, sun-dried tomato basil vinigrette, green hearts, yellow stars....oh, wait...

Trader Joe's Veggie Samosas.  Love this things!

Tonight, I'm making sausage, baked potatoes and fresh green beans with lemon and garlic.  Hopefully I'll remember to take a picture!

Weight Watchers Topic of the Week & Other Stuff

Firstly, I need to say something...

I'm obsessed with this blog right now.  It's all I think about.

"Oh!  I could post that on the blog!"

"Ooooo...that would make a good topic for the blog!"

"Huh...maybe I should mention this on the blog..."

Yeah.

The Weight Watchers meeting topic today involved small changes and "the ripple effect".  Essentially, making one or two small changes will radiate to other areas and those other areas will start to improve, and so on. 

So, the leader asked us to write down our one thing we wanted to do this week and I wrote "exercise at least 3 times."  I'm so not feeling the exercise thing yet.  I WANT to feel it.  I WANT to do it, but can't seem to get my butt moving.  I bought a new pair of workout pants today, though, because I AM going to exercise at least 3 times this week!

I went to the movie and I did order the small popcorn.  I also ordered a "small" Diet Pepsi instead of a large, but that small was pretty big.  I didn't finish it though.  I also have to confess that when the girl asked me if I wanted butter on my popcorn, I said yes.  I've been thinking about this a lot and replaying it in my mind where I say "no" instead.

Afterwards, I hit Toys R Us to do a little birthday gift shopping for my niece.  And I bought a Pepsi Max.  After I bought it, I thought...a water would have been better. 

AND...we ended up dining on Taco Bell tonight.  I'm eating way too much fast food.  My ex would have pointed that out to me lightening quick-like.  So I'm pointing it out to myself. 

Tomorrow, I am going to try to have a fast food free day.

So, despite the Sausage McGriddle for breakfast, the Taco Bell for dinner, and the buttered popcorn at the movie theatre (wow...that sounds horribly gluttonous)...I still did better today than I normally would have.  Normally, I might have had 2 McGriddles and maybe a hashbrown to boot.  I would have ordered a LARGE buttered popcorn just for myself and a LARGE regular soda.  I would have probably thrown a couple of apple empanadas on top of my meal at dinner along with another LARGE regular soda.  So, that's pretty damn good. 

If I could change anything, I would have told them no to the butter (but still had the small popcorn), not gotten the Pepsi Max at Toys R Us, planned better for breakfast, and planned better for dinner.  So, I think a lot of where I stumble involves planning.

Now, for your viewing pleasure...the photograph I mentioned the other day of me at Disney World meeting Mickey and Minnie.  I conveninently cropped out my face, my sister, Mickey and Minnie (to protect their identities) and I think we can all agree I did a bang up job painting my niece out of the photo too!

Please note the cellulite dripping off my upper arms, the pants that are skin tight, the gut, and the fat and swollen lower leg region.  Also, my really great farmer's tan.  My body looks like a fat old lady's body.  I'm just blown away at how big and out of shape I have gotten.

I can't throw in the towel this time.  I just can't.  My life really depends on it.



Weigh In Week One

I got my butt out of bed at 5 AM this morning and drove it an hour to go to the nearest 6:30 AM Weight Watchers meeting.  I chose this meeting specifically because I had a sneaking suspicion it was the same leader as a meeting I attended last year.  She'd only been the leader for my first two meetings, so I don't know if she was just filling in or what, but she was a big motivating factor for me, as she's close to my age, appears to be single and without kids, so I can relate.  Most leaders are married with grown children...I don't have any children yet, so....  Plus this leader lost 130 lbs and looks great.  Big motivator.  

So I get there and lo and behold, it is her!  I was very excited.  I also quickly realized I was the youngest person in the meeting.  Impressive, since I'm only a couple of years away from 40!

I got all signed up and weighed in and was relieved to see that my 3 days of focus have paid off to the tune of almost 6 pounds.  I was at 344.4.  

I'm probably going to head to the movies soon and see World War Z.  I may even get a small popcorn.  Though right now I'm not feeling the popcorn, as I ate lunch early (due to that 5 AM wake up time) and am pretty full!

As promised, pictures of some of my food from yesterday:

My crazy potato, bread & butter pickle, and sun-dried tomato vinagrette green salad that I enjoyed for lunch yesterday.

A pretty blurry picture of the squash and orange bell pepper I chopped up prior to sauteeing them up with some onions and garlic to be used in my barbeque chicken & veg quesadillas that we dined on for dinner last night.

I'm so, so bad at remembering to take food photos, that I took this one halfway through eating my dinner last night.  I apologize for the lack of photo gloriousness.  These quesadillas were delish, though!

I just used the leftover chicken and vegetables from last night on top of another salad today.  It was an interesting combo...tonight will be a pretty boring dinner...some sausage, baked (or mashed) potatoes and some kind of veg....tbd.