Week One

First, I start off with a confession...

I've gained so much weight that my current scale won't even acknowledge my weight.  So, I'll keep stepping on it every damn day until a number shows up instead of that elusive "E" for "Error".  I would guess that my weight is anywhere between 355 and 360, though.  I honestly never thought I'd be this heavy.

Meanwhile, I'm feeling very in control and very positive.  Days One through Five went off without a hitch. The weekend is where I hit some slight snafus, but all is well again.

This week's plan is based very heavily on the first week plan found here at the Can You Stay For Dinner blog.  I made a few adjustments.  Instead of counting calories, I'm counting Weight Watchers Points Plus. At my current estimated weight, I get 53 Points Plus each day.  Also, Andi's mom, Mary Ellen started out at 210 pounds.  I'm starting out at over 350 pounds, so my body requires more calories.  I'm adding in a few healthy snacks to make up the difference.  I thought I would be very uncomfortable straying from this plan at all, but I'm not.  I'm already seeing that this is going to happen and I feel confident that I can make good choices.  However, for the first several weeks, anyway, I want to stick as closely to it as possible.

There are several meals that  Mary Ellen ate out at restaurants, so I'm substituting other recipes and things for those meals.

Here's what I ate my first week:

Monday

Breakfast

2 cups Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Cereal
1 cup 2% milk
1/3 cup fat free Coffeemate Creamer
1 cup coffee

Snack

1 box (1 oz.) raisins
1/4 cup mixed nuts

Lunch

Chicken, Cranberry, Feta Salad
3 tbsp Great Value Light Honey Dijon Dressing
Fage Greek Yogurt with Honey

Snack

1 cup grapes
1 cup baby carrots
1/4 garlic hummus

Dinner

4 oz. marinaded pork tenderloin - marinade recipe here
6 oz sweet potato
1 tbsp Earth Balance margarine
1 cup green beans - steamed with lemon juice, garlic, 1 tbsp sliced almonds

POINTS PLUS TOTAL 55

Tuesday

Breakfast

1 serving Frosted Mini Wheats
1/2 cup 2% milk
1/3 cup fat free Coffeemate Creamer
1 cup coffee

Snack

1 oz raisins
1/4 cup mixed nuts

Lunch

Tuna Salad
2 cups fresh spinach
1 cup grapes

Snack

1 Sargento Cheddar Cheese Stick

Dinner

Stir-Fry using 6 oz leftover pork tenderloin

Snack

Skinny Cow Cookies & Cream Ice Cream Sandwich

POINTS PLUS TOTAL 44

Wednesday

Breakfast

1 serving Frosted Mini Wheats
1/2 cup 2% milk
1/3 cup fat free Coffeemate Creamer
1 cup coffee

Snack

1 cup grapes
1 Sargento Cheddar Cheese Stick

Lunch

3 cups salad greens
1 oz feta cheese
3 oz turkey lunch meat
3 tbsp Great Value Light Honey Dijon Dressing
1 container Fage Total 0% Greek Yogurt with Strawberry

Snack

1/4 cup mixed nuts

Dinner

Turkey Avocado Bacon Wrap

Snack

Skinny Cow Cookies & Cream Ice Cream Sandwich
Pop Chips

POINTS PLUS TOTAL 53

Thursday (HALLOWEEN!)

Breakfast

1 serving Frosted Mini Wheats
1/2 cup 2% milk
1/3 cup fat free Coffeemate Creamer
1 cup coffee

Snack

Peanut Butter & Dark Chocolate KIND Bar

Lunch - Halloween Luncheon at Work

2 cups Chicken Tortilla Soup
About 10 tortilla chips
1/4 cup shredded cheese
1 fancy Nutterbutter

Dinner

2 servings Crockpot Cheese Tortellini Soup (I adapted this slightly, adding some celery for more veg and using low fat cream cheese, instead of whole fat.  I also used fresh carrot slices instead of frozen.)

Snack

1 regular-sized (as opposed to King Size) pack of Peanut M&Ms

POINTS PLUS TOTAL 61

Friday

Breakfast

1 serving Frosted Mini Wheats
1/2 cup 2% milk
1/3 cup fat free Coffeemate Creamer
1 cup coffee

Snack

1 Fuji Apple
2 tbsp Earth Balance Creamy Peanut Butter

Lunch

Fage Yogurt with Honey
3 cups salad greens
3 oz ham luncheon meat
1/8 cup Craisins
1 oz feta
3 tbsp Great Value Light Honey Dijon Dressing

Snack

1/4 cup mixed nuts

Dinner

Jason's Deli - Chicken Salad Wrap and steamed veggies

Snack

Deep Chocolate Vita Top

POINTS PLUS TOTAL 50

Saturday

Breakfast

1 Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin
1 tbsp. Whole Foods Strawberry Fruit Spread
1 tbsp Earth Balance Buttery Spread
1 egg scrambled in 1 tsp butter (couldn't eat the whole thing.  I truly hate eggs.  Especially eggs that are cooked poorly and as I am an egg hater, I don't really know how to cook eggs properly!)
1 cup coffee
1/3 cup Coffeemate Hazelnut creamer (all we had at my gf's)

Lunch

1/2 medium thin crust pizza loaded with veggies
about 10 Parmesan bread bites

Dinner

Didn't happen....

Snack

Deep Chocolate Vita Top

POINTS PLUS TOTAL 72

Sunday

Breakfast

1 serving Frosted Mini Wheats
1/2 cup 2% milk
1/3 cup fat free Coffeemate Creamer
1 cup coffee

Snack

Dark Chocolate Chili KIND Bar
1 Blow Pop

Lunch - Family Birthday Party @ my Grandparents' House

Chicken with Rice Casserole
Tomato Casserole
Green Bean Casserole
***My family CLEARLY loves a good casserole
Green salad with dressing
1 roll with 1/2 tbsp margarine
1 slice chocolate mousse cake
1 small Blue Bell Ice Cream cup

Dinner

leftover Chicken Alfredo from Pizza Hut

Snack

Vita Top Banana Nut Muffin
Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks - a grande, I think...my sister ordered it for me.  I'd requested a tall, but she admittedly messed up on ordering, not being the coffee drinker that I am.

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Something AWESOME I did this week:  I received a package of peanut M&Ms at work when I was BOOed by a co-worker on Tuesday.  I saved them for Thursday night for my already planned Halloween treat!

Something I would do differently in the future:   Controlled my portion considerably better at the family birthday party on Sunday.  Possibly even measuring them out.  I attacked that food with wild abandon and didn't like that out of control feeling.  And what's worse is that I let it continue to spiral out of control more than I like as the evening went on.

My official weigh-in day is Friday, so I will post my results then.  Meanwhile, after a rocky start on Monday, this week has picked back up!  I'll be back next week with what I ate this week.

Thanks for reading!

Hitting a Wall

Heather from the Half Size Me podcast accompanied me via my headphones on my walk today.  She just doesn't know it.  I started listening to Episode 28 and she talks about hitting a wall, whether it be a certain number of pounds lost or an amount of time or whatever it is that stops you dead in your tracks during your weight loss journey.

I realized that I've been doing this for several weeks.  I have not been perfect and still have a hell of a long way to go.  However, the past few years have had so many ups and downs in regards to my weight.  Usually it takes about 2-4 weeks for me to hit that wall.  I'll throw in the towel completely:  stop exercising and start the vicious cycle of binging and not giving a flip (tossed with some good portions of self-guilt and beating myself up).

I've "fallen off" a few times over the past several weeks, but I still keep picking myself up, dusting myself off, and getting back on that horse.  It gave me such a sense of elation to realize that today.  I've had 4 horrible eat everything in sight days and last night, I sat down and planned out my entire day in my Weight Watchers tracker.  I haven't felt the slightest bit of a nudge towards straying from it either.  I've had breakfast and lunch and dinner is already simmering away in the crockpot.  And I've already done my walk today.

I can do this.

I will do this.

Last night, as I was folding laundry, I remember thinking to myself - this is no big deal.  This is just a little blip in the rest of your life.  This is forever.  It's fine.

Notice there was no self-degradation, no loud exclamations of "I am a failure!"  No.  Only acceptance of myself and the will to move on to the next thing.

I feel amazing.

Day 5

I have so much I want to say!  I need to keep a notepad next to me at all times to make notes.  Almost everytime I write a post, 30 minutes later I remember something else I wanted to mention.

Firstly, I was just talking to my mom and saying how I was proud of myself that I was on Day 5 and she gave me a hug and told me she was proud of me too.  I also am noticing I'm eating a lot more "real" food as opposed to processed crap.  Just eating all those fresh fruits and vegetables has made me feel more energetic today.

Secondly, I did my first of the three workouts last night.  I invited my little niece along to workout to Leslie Sansonne and she was so cute!  She totally got those sidesteps and kicks down in a hurry.  I told myself I was going to do as much as I could and guess what?  I made it through the whole 30 minutes of the video.  After about the first 10 minutes, I seemed to really get energized and just kept going.  And I've already thrown the workout clothes on for today too, so will be doing another workout today.  Then just one more to go to meet my goal (but I have a sneaking suspicion I'll do more than that. 

I'm feeling so motivated and positive right now.  I know I can do this!  I have almost zero cravings for junk food lately, I keep thinking about how every movement I make is going to add up to feeling fitter and healthier.  I'm thinking ahead to my goals, while really enjoying this journey so far. 

I've been reading a blog from start to finish the past few days...not finished yet, but this girl is amazing and a huge motivation!  111 Pounds  She's lost around 100 pounds and runs all the time and eats healthy vegetarian (mostly from what I've read so far)  food.  She's my inspiration.

Reading blogs of other people who've been through this and succeeded is so helpful!  I am going to catch up with hers, then find another one to read from start to finish, then another...and meanwhile, keep up with the current posts.  There's so much information out there and so many amazing blogs that I get overwhelmed sometimes, so I decided this will be my method.

This morning I made REAL oatmeal on the stovetop, threw in 1/2 tbsp of honey, mashed up a banana in there and threw some strawberries on top.  It was beautiful!  I wish I'd taken a picture!

This afternoon, I'm currently enjoying a salad and  vegetable samosas from Trader Joe's.

My salad:  romaine lettuce, black olives, cherry tomatoes, chow mein noodles, sun-dried tomato basil vinigrette, green hearts, yellow stars....oh, wait...

Trader Joe's Veggie Samosas.  Love this things!

Tonight, I'm making sausage, baked potatoes and fresh green beans with lemon and garlic.  Hopefully I'll remember to take a picture!

Weight Watchers Topic of the Week & Other Stuff

Firstly, I need to say something...

I'm obsessed with this blog right now.  It's all I think about.

"Oh!  I could post that on the blog!"

"Ooooo...that would make a good topic for the blog!"

"Huh...maybe I should mention this on the blog..."

Yeah.

The Weight Watchers meeting topic today involved small changes and "the ripple effect".  Essentially, making one or two small changes will radiate to other areas and those other areas will start to improve, and so on. 

So, the leader asked us to write down our one thing we wanted to do this week and I wrote "exercise at least 3 times."  I'm so not feeling the exercise thing yet.  I WANT to feel it.  I WANT to do it, but can't seem to get my butt moving.  I bought a new pair of workout pants today, though, because I AM going to exercise at least 3 times this week!

I went to the movie and I did order the small popcorn.  I also ordered a "small" Diet Pepsi instead of a large, but that small was pretty big.  I didn't finish it though.  I also have to confess that when the girl asked me if I wanted butter on my popcorn, I said yes.  I've been thinking about this a lot and replaying it in my mind where I say "no" instead.

Afterwards, I hit Toys R Us to do a little birthday gift shopping for my niece.  And I bought a Pepsi Max.  After I bought it, I thought...a water would have been better. 

AND...we ended up dining on Taco Bell tonight.  I'm eating way too much fast food.  My ex would have pointed that out to me lightening quick-like.  So I'm pointing it out to myself. 

Tomorrow, I am going to try to have a fast food free day.

So, despite the Sausage McGriddle for breakfast, the Taco Bell for dinner, and the buttered popcorn at the movie theatre (wow...that sounds horribly gluttonous)...I still did better today than I normally would have.  Normally, I might have had 2 McGriddles and maybe a hashbrown to boot.  I would have ordered a LARGE buttered popcorn just for myself and a LARGE regular soda.  I would have probably thrown a couple of apple empanadas on top of my meal at dinner along with another LARGE regular soda.  So, that's pretty damn good. 

If I could change anything, I would have told them no to the butter (but still had the small popcorn), not gotten the Pepsi Max at Toys R Us, planned better for breakfast, and planned better for dinner.  So, I think a lot of where I stumble involves planning.

Now, for your viewing pleasure...the photograph I mentioned the other day of me at Disney World meeting Mickey and Minnie.  I conveninently cropped out my face, my sister, Mickey and Minnie (to protect their identities) and I think we can all agree I did a bang up job painting my niece out of the photo too!

Please note the cellulite dripping off my upper arms, the pants that are skin tight, the gut, and the fat and swollen lower leg region.  Also, my really great farmer's tan.  My body looks like a fat old lady's body.  I'm just blown away at how big and out of shape I have gotten.

I can't throw in the towel this time.  I just can't.  My life really depends on it.



Hello!  Just wanted to pop in with a couple of things.  Firstly, I *DID* go on a walk on Tuesday.  I'm thinking I'll go out for another one today in just a bit.

Secondly, I had a flash of genius earlier and thought...wouldn't it be cool if there were some journaling prompts out there somewhere for weight loss?  That would be so awesome!  And lo and behold, a google search turned up this cool freebie PDF, so I've decided for the next month, I'm going to write in a little journal and respond to a prompt each day.  I think that will go so far in helping me stay focused on what I'm doing, but also helping me to maybe get to the bottom of why I can't seem to get a grasp on things.

I hope to check back in later today with some thoughts on that first prompt, but for the meantime, have a great day!

Happy New Year!

It's a new day, a new year and time for people to make lots of promises to themselves that by January 31, most of them will completely forget!

I know I've been guilty of that in many a year.

I'm not going to call this a resolution, but a goal:  My goal is to post here at least 5 out of 7 days a week.  If I post more, fantastic.  If I post less, I won't beat myself up over it. 

That said...I'm still going to Weight Watchers, but I'm not doing well at all.  I'm also still going to therapy and something my therapist strongly recommended at my last session was that I start writing everything I eat down.  Independent of WW's tracking, so I pulled out an old unused journal and started doing just that.

And today, I'm going on a walk.  No pressure.  No time frame in mind.  Just a walk to get some movement into my day.

I have a new plan for work lunches.  I'm currently on break, as I'm a teacher, so starting next Monday...I'm going back to my daily salads and what I would like to try to do is have 5 salad containers, have my salads premade - one for each day of the week.  I'll do this on Sunday so that all I have to do is pull the salad out of the fridge and throw it in my bag and off I go.  I'm also planning on having anything that I'm topping my salad with - dressing, veggie burgers, etc, ready to go and knowing what I will have with my salad each day.  This will definitely help me keep lunchtime on track and help me get those veggies in.

Sooooo...that said, I'm off!  Happy (and Healthy!) new year, everyone!

Reflections on This Week's Weight Watcher Topic

So this week's topic was:  Commit to the Countdown to Thanksgiving Challenge.  There are 8 weeks until that glorious event (for those of us in the US). 

Halloween through New Year's is for me, like a lot of people, a really difficult time as far as staying on the health train is concerned.  There is SO much temptation.  It's also the cooler weather, so something in me says "store up for the winter" like I need to add any more insulation. 

I think a lot of that comes from the feeling of nostalgia from my childhood relating to this time of year.  Halloween candy while watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"; Thanksgiving Day leftovers while watching the first televised Christmas movie of the season; hot chocolate while driving around looking at Christmas lights; rich, calorie ladden restaurant meals while out on a gift shopping excursion...and so the list goes on.  Something inside of me says:  Holiday Time = Celebrate by Gorging Time.  I'm sure many people out there can relate.

Everything, everything, everything in my life I can tie back to food.  Food is such a simple thing, really, when you think about it.  It's fuel for our bodies.  I suppose from an evolutionary stand point, we have tastebuds so that we can tell whether or not a food is "good", as in "not rotten", and to spur us to eat so we don't starve to death.  Kind of like why sex is enjoyable: to get species to procreate so they don't die out.  But there are consequences for indulging indiscriminately in either realm.

In any event, there are only 8 short weeks until the holiday season is fully underway here in the States.  I need a plan.

Over the next 8 weeks, I plan to:

*Workout at least 3 to 5 days a week for 30 minutes or more each time.
*Drink my 6-8 glasses of water daily.
*Track every little morsel I consume (except for two days....coming up)
*Include a weekly holiday-related treat in my plans.  But the key word here is PLAN.
*I will not track on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day.  I will enjoy myself and eat what I like, but I will not eat to misery and I will use sound judgement about what I consume.  I will still drink my 6-8 glasses of water on these days and will get up early to get some exercise into my day beforehand.

I feel like this is a sound, reasonable, and healthy plan that will work for me and not cause me to go beserk because I am depriving myself.

One thing that stuck with me from the meeting was...if you lose 1/2 a pound every week for the next 8 weeks, that's 4 pounds.  If you lose 1 pound every week for the next 8 weeks, that's 8 pounds.  And if you lose 2 pounds every week for the next 8 weeks, that's 16 pounds.

Considering the amount of weight I have to lose, I think 16 pounds is pretty darn reasonable over the next 8 weeks.  It won't be easy and I'm sure there are times that I will want to slowly gnaw off my left arm, but I want to see this through and stay on plan and see what happens.  My goal is 10 pounds down by Thanksgiving, just so I don't set myself up for failure.  Anything more than that is a bonus.  I can totally do this.